Why I hate Netflix’s Bridgerton
While there are approximately 7.6 billion people on the planet (according to google) — about 82 million of them have watched Netflix’s latest offering — Bridgerton. Making it their most viewed show ever. Now, if you’re not one of the 82 million viewers then this will probably bore you, so feel free to stop reading now. However, if you’re continuing to read out of intrigue or you loved watching the show— then let me explain why I hate it so much. Enjoy…
Reason no 1:
Bridgerton is NOT Downton Abbey.
I did not see any of the staff running around, there was not a hustle and bustle to get the dinner served. Also, if the who’s who of society were all invited to these dances and banquets, then why didn’t I see the Earl of Grantham, Robert Crawley or his wife Cora at any of the events? Surely they should’ve been there? Or at least invite Lady Mary Crawley — for added drama and scandal! But alas, we were left with the likes of the Featherington’s and Nigel Berbrooke to provide some alternative entertainment…Shonda Rhimes and Chris van Dusen, you have left me disappointed.
Reason no 2:
Why use relatively unknown actors in this series? I mean it’s based on a series of books by Julia Quinn, that to date has already amassed a huge following worldwide, especially in Brasil (they clearly have a thing for English Regency living), could Netflix not enlisted the talents (and looks and bodies) of say a well-known James McAvoy? Ok…he may be too rough and intense, and he has already deflowered Keira Knightley in The Atonement, so I guess he can sit this one out. Hmmm…what about Michael b Jordan as a chocolate Duke of Hastings? Well, I guess he is far too ripped and Americana to pull off a regal Brit, also I’m sure he is too busy playing on a yacht somewhere with his Steve Harvey’s adopted offspring (I think she’s a kiddies model or something). Doubt Mike would be interested in a ‘tiny’ little show like this.
So, I guess Rege-Jean Page was the best they could do…I mean he isn’t disgusting? (cue dramatic swooning and fanning of oneself)
I also wondered about Phoebe Dynevor. Why her? Why not Saoirse Ronan — she’s Irish which is the same as English — isn’t it? But then I realised that she too intense (have you seen her movies? In the latest one she’s in bed with Kate Winslet) and too busy making bank to do a Netflix show either. It’s probably a good thing for all of us actually— because let’s face it, I already struggle to pronounce Rege-Jean’s first name and Pheobe’s last name, can you imagine what it would be like trying to interview Rege and Saoirse at the same time! I still can’t figure out how to pronounce her name…can you?
Reason no 3:
The purist in me would’ve loved to have music that was appropriate with the era. Why couldn’t they just get Hans Zimmer or someone reputable to do the score? I mean a string quartet doing covers of Ariana Grande, Shawn Mendes and Billie…whatever her surname is — can’t really be that amazing, can it? Well, why don’t you decide. Here’s Bridgerton’s version of Strange by another brilliant Brit singer Celeste. What do you think?
(Dare I say — without being sarcastic here —that this version is just as hauntingly beautiful as the original. It makes me want to drink my red wine, seated next to a roaring fireplace…while wrapped in a blanket and sobbing because I’m still single and broke)
Reason no 4:
Moving right along, I suppose this isn’t necessarily a bad thing — but why is everyone’s boobs out? Not “naked” out. Not flopping around, but out as in….strapped and corseted up to the point where Daphne (Phoebe’s character) looks like she has an ample bosom, when in reality she’s actually quite flat chested. Corsets are not a thing!
I know the Kardashians may have tried to tell you otherwise but don’t fall for that trend ladies. Especially those of you who — like me — belong to the flat chest crew. We can’t be strapping on corsets, making the fellas think it’s real.
Because inevitably — when it comes off and the boobs fall down to nothingness — it will have been false advertising! That’s just cruel.
Shonda and Chris, please let your costume people know that they must let the flat chested and big boobed women live their best naturally breasted lives!
Reason no 5:
And finally, when are men ever going to fill up my dance card? Or come calling at my house the next day to bring me gifts, all in the hopes of proposing to me and making me their wifey for life? I mean, come one — this is unrealistic! Our modern day marriage mart is not nearly as sophisticated and smooth! No stepping out and debuting in society for us regular plebs. I haven’t been invited to attend any balls ever! Nor have I been told I am ‘a diamond of the first water’. What is that even?
It’s cruel to make people believe that this kind of dating is possible — when all we know is Tinder and shady WhatsApp messages from God knows who!
So…there you have it everyone. Reasons why I HATE Bridgerton. Did I mention that it’s not Downton Abbey?
Ok…if I really had to list another reason — it would probably be that I hate the fact that I don’t hate it at all! In fact, in today’s Covid era…it was pure escapism. It was bright and fun. Sexy and utterly binge-worthy. From music and costumes to Julie Andrews perfect narration — it was a delight.
So, excuse me dear reader, as I bid you farewell, I’m off to practice my English accent in front of the mirror! :-)
If you haven’t given Bridgerton a go — check it out on Netflix now. Feel free to fast forward through the sexy bits (it’s not for small kids or sensitive souls) and enjoy the story!
